A tale about a Lightsaber.

Like with any good story, you should always start at the beginning.

Two years ago, my friend and roommate was off traveling in Italy, which left me home alone.  One evening I couldn’t sleep, so it was decided I would rearrange the furniture at two in the morning. Put in my ear buds and got to work.  Have you ever been in the shower and heard loud banging? Instead of investigating, you just slowly pull the curtain back and continue your shower, praying you don’t get murdered.  I wasn’t in the shower, but I kept hearing a loud banging noise. Yet, whenever I took out my ear buds, it didn’t happen.  Shrugging my shoulders, I continued on.  Almost an hour later, I pulled out my ear buds to someone banging on my door.  I jumped and held back my scream… That’s a lie, I screamed like a five year old girl, who got a pony for Christmas.
As it continued, I heard someone yell some inaudible words. In a slight panic, I slowly walked over to the top of my stairs and tried to look who could be banging on my door. Not seeing anything, I went into my room and grabbed the first thing…. It was my Lightsaber.
300

This was the most ‘nerd’ I’ve ever been.  Ever so slowly I walked down the steps until I reached the landing.  My front door is glass with wood trim, so anyone could look right in.  In the corner however, that’s the safe spot.  There is a window and next to the door is more glass, but on the inside I can see out, you can’t see in.  So in that corner I looked out the window and noticed a shadow next to my house.  Quietly reaching up, I unlocked the door and started to open it.  That’s when the person heard me, they started to walk back over to the door; it was now or never.  I hit the button, my Lightsaber glowed the brightest green and I ran out and hit the person on the head.
Their are moments in a person’s life, that the only thing you can say is ‘shit’.  This was my shit moment.  As the adrenaline within me slowly faded, I got a good look at the person I hit.  The person was a man, a man in a uniform, a man in a cop uniform.  I just hit a cop over the head with a Lightsaber…. Shiiiittttt.  Nothing was said, for what felt like an eternity. He and I just stared at one another, I finally hit the button and turned off my saber.  He finally reacted and said the only logical thing you could say in this situation; “did you just hit me with a toy Lightsaber?”
“Yes… I thought it was a murderer or something.” I replied.  He laughed, he laughed harder than I expected him to.  Once he calmed down, he went on to tell me that my neighbors tried knocking, because they thought I was getting attacked.  I explained what I was really doing and the reason for not hearing, was because I play music loudly.
“It’s a shame I can’t tell the others about this.. They’d never believe me anyways.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry again.  I should probably reconsider my options of weaponry.”
“Yeah, but you have a story now.”

A story indeed…

Yesterday, a friend of mine sent me a link to a sermon.  When I arrived home late last night, I watched it.  I’m not usually a yell out loud, ‘AMEN’ type of girl, but I was on fire last night.  This sermon was basically killing it, don’t worry, I’m working on writing a blog.  I was so into this sermon and yelling amen, that I forgot my windows were open.  I also forgot I have neighbors.
Once I was done watching the sermon, I started to get ready for bed.  That’s when I heard it, a tapping noise.  I’m no stranger to people tapping on windows or doors. I recall a Halloween years ago, were a lady by the name of Samantha tapped on a window and it freaked myself and my BF Camissa out.  Like, Camissa had to have a hand over her mouth to stop from screaming and I just held onto her like a pillow. It’s safe to say, tapping isn’t my favorite.
The tapping continued on my front door and I found myself in the exact same situation. The only difference, I heard what the person was saying outside.  As they continued to tap, he spoke up and said; “I know you’re up.”  Now, that doesn’t sound creepy or horrible, but his voice was saying otherwise.  He sounded like Emperor Palpatine with a heavy breathing problem.  That’s NO BUENO! I tried to look and see who it was, but all I saw was feet.  So, I went ahead and did that good ol’ nerd thing, I grabbed my Lightsaber.  Once I started walking down, I didn’t see anybody, so I thought I was in the clear. I still wanted to make sure, so I looked out the window and he was standing right there.  He was looking up and said in his heavy Palpatine voice; “Your lights are on. I know you can hear me.”
This was my chance again, I unlocked the door, opened it and walked outside. He had his back to me, when I turned on my saber he turned around and that’s when I attacked another male with my Lightsaber.  This was another shit moment.
Not only am I using a toy to defend myself, I’m also hitting innocent men… This man happened to be my next door neighbor.  Once again I was asked the only logical question; “Did you hit me with a Lightsaber?”
“Yeah.. Sorry.” I replied
“Have you done this before?” He asked
“Umm yeah. A cop.”
“Hot damn! Really?!?”
“Yeah. I’m sorry again. Did you need something?” I finally asked
“Huh? Oh yeah, are you okay? I kept hearing you yell ‘amen’ and ‘yes’. I mean, I know why other girls may yell those. But you aren’t most girls.”
I laughed harder than necessary and told him why.
If you happened to drive by my place last night, you would have seen two adults laughing like children and one adult with a Lightsaber still on.
Before he bid me goodnight, I had to ask why his voice sounded off.
“I’m sick. I know I sound like a groundhog while in heat. Sorry if that scared you.” He replied.
I didn’t ask how he knew about groundhogs in heat.

Today, I found these in my mail box….
200

With this note…
100

It reads: Sorry I scared you, so much so you hit me on the head with a Lightsaber.  Good arm, however.
Stay strong lady.
Your friendly neighbor!

P.S. Got you these. We cool?

Yeah, we cool.

Advertisements