As a twenty-nine year old single, you get asked questions.. a lot of pointless questions. “Why are you single?” “You’re still single? What is wrong with you?” “Online dating may be the way to go!” For the most part, I answer them with a shrug of the shoulders or my favorite line ‘I don’t know’, in all honesty I don’t know, I don’t know why I’m still single or ever dated.. Well unless I count that week in fifth grade when I dated Rex Murphy, he even gave me his fake gold chain necklace.. Yeah, fake gold necklace ladies. However, with the online question I can answer that. They were all creepiers for some reason… Thanks eHarmony! My 25 characteristics bring all the creepiers to the yard!
Maybe I’m still single because I seriously don’t know how to act normal around a guy that I find attractive, flirting and me just do NOT mix! I’m like an ill informed robot when it comes to seeing the signs and flirting.. To some me up I’m this:
That is 100% junior high all over again me! Of course people always tell me to get out there and meet people, that is how to get a boyfriend. I’m not doubting that at all, but where do I go? The clubs? Yeah, I’m sure I’ll find a nice guy who wants a relationship that will eventually lead to marriage. I’m sure they exist at clubs, all the good ones are. Right? Also I’d like to inform the public that I dance horribly… So, if I’m at da club nobody would want my dance moves near them!
Maybe another reason, as I’ve been told, is that I’m to picky. Look, that may be the case, but I have my reasons. When the guys who actually flirt with me look like and act like Mr. Collins from Pride and Prejudice, I turn into Elizabeth Bennet and quote in my head;
“I am perfectly serious in my refusal. You could not make me happy, and I am convinced that I am the last woman in the world who could make you so.”
If I’m to picky, then so be it, Lizzie was to and look how that turned out… Yes, I do know that is fiction. Perfect example, last week I had to go make a key so like any other human, I went into True Value and did just that. After waiting for a minute for the key maker to get to his station, he finally arrived and asked what I needed… I thought that was already made clear, when someone over the walkie told him and as I was also standing in front of the key making area. But, I answered him anyway thinking maybe he to suffered from flirting problems. I knew what I wanted, just a plain key, nothing special with a sports team, flowers or as I was pointed out to me a banjo key. But, he kept asking me questions on what type of key I wanted and then the questions turned odd…
“Do you have a favorite sports team?”
“Do you like music? We have banjo key styles, I like those.”
“Do you have a favorite flower?”
“We have american flag keys, you like America right?”
“What is your favorite movie?”
“Did you knit your hat or buy it? I only ask, because I know a guy whose girlfriend knits hats. She actually lives near here. I can give you her address and we could go over and see what kind of hat you’d like her to knit ya.”
“Oh we have gun keys… It would be like your shooting your lock!”
“Staying warm out there? You look chilly.”
I answered him as best as I could, but when he looked and acted like Mr. Collins, it was a bit hard. My answers were direct and to the point:
“Yep. WSU and KSU.”
“I do like music. I’m good with not having a banjo key.”
“Cool. Eh, it’s okay….. I’m kidding!” (He did not think that was funny.)
“You have a Forrest Gump key?”
“Bought it. No, I’m good. Yes, I’m sure. Yes, really sure.”
“Pew Pew.” (I had to explain the pew pew noise.)
The “Mr. Collins” type must be what I’m destiny. Looking forward to that.
In any case, I’m single and slightly okay with.. Not completely content, but okay. I’m good being single for now and sometimes I think about wanting a boyfriend but I wouldn’t know want to do with him. Maybe, as I sit here typing this while eating ice cream and watching the Doctor say goodbye to Rose for the millionth time, oh and crying of course, is another reason I’m single. Or maybe, just maybe Benedict Cumberbatch has something to do with it…